DEEP NEED

I desperately want to be closer to God. I have wanted this since the moment I believed, but now I lost even the passion I possessed back then. I have been thinking a lot about the idea of as you seek God then that feeds the desire for more. So I have been trying in anyway and at any time to be seeking him. Nothing really is going wrong in my life, except for that you always have something, but nothing major. Everything else is worthless compared to him as Paul says and I have been thinking of that often as I think part of me doesn't embrace that for some reason. It is not that I have anything I deem important, just little stupid things I like to do when I could be with God. You would think that would be easy to give up since I acknowledge that it is meaningless, but I find myself consistently making the wrong choice. I am not really looking for an answer since it is clear what I need to do: keep pressing in. God only wants success in this area for me so I have no doubt I will attain it with His great help.

TOUCH

I have been thinking about one of my senses a lot lately: touch.  The power of a touch is very great.  I guess I have been thinking about it for a while.  I started to realize how little David and I touch.  It started of course when we had the twins.  In the beginning I am not sure we could have done much to touch very often as someone was crying.  When he came home a break for me was the fact that he would take one and then I would only have one to deal with.  The problem with that is everyone had a baby and no one had time or energy left for the other.   

I have been working on touching David more often.  Grabbing his hand  while we are on a walk or going out of my way for a good hug.  Let me tell you it has paid off.  Not only do I love it, but it is filling a need for connection.  If someone would have said I have one simple step to improve your marriage.  I would have got my pen out and been ready.  If then they would have said touch each other more, I probably wouldn't have written it down after all.  I mean it is so simple, easy, and even quick.  But, I am telling you it is working for me at least.

I wonder why touch is so powerful?  I wonder why God made us that way?  What do you think?  How does touch affect your life?

THE BOYS' GRADUATION

The boys graduated from their two day preschool class yesterday.  Next year they move on to the three day preschool class.  Maybe it wasn't that big of a step but the graduation ceremony was a lot of fun.  I posted a video so you can see it.  Judah was a ham.

TEST RESULTS IN

The nurse called to tell me all the test had come back normal so another dead end.  I am very grateful that on paper I am a very healthy person.  Things could be much, much worse.  So I continue on with a question mark for a diagnosis.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I went to the doctor recently.  He had gone on a long four month boat trip and asked me to come in so he could check on me before refilling my prescriptions.  He informed me that he was ordering some blood work.  It will check my insides and he has ordered some other test to rule out any conditions that fit my symptoms.  

I think it is funny that he still is looking for some sort of diagnosis, but of course that is his job.  I have just come to think that a diagnosis is pretty far fetched since each day is different.  My pain isn't exactly constant.  It varies up and down, like cycles.  But, I have been at peace with no diagnosis for the most part.  This however has made me start to hope again.

I start hoping something would be found and that there would be some cure.  Of course if all I got was something to call what I have somehow I would appreciate that.  Isn't that strange?  I just want a name for it.  I don't know why that matters, but if I am honest it does.

I don't want to hope too much.  I try not to think of it much.  I didn't even want to write about it because then I would be admitting it.  I know of course my hope is in the Lord, who has brought me through and gives me all I need, diagnosis or not.

FRIENDSHIP: A PRAYER ANSWERED

So this post is long overdue, but I was hoping to get a photo to go with it, but it didn't happen so here it goes anyway.  I have been praying for friends for years now.  I moved to Oregon eight years ago and I didn't know a sole.  About a year or so later I met Kristen.  She and I were best, best friends.  We moved to Medford and were so delighted that she and her family would be moving also.  Unfortunately that was temporary and for the past five years I have been without many friends at all and have had no close ones.  I of course am excluding my husband who is always my closest friend.  

David and I joined a link group almost right after we moved here.  We did find friends there, but my twin boys soon came, so we were seen only at church and for some of the link group meetings.  Having twins really makes it nearly impossible to meet friends, especially when you live in an upstairs apartment (just try to figure out how to get two infants down a flight of stairs by yourself).  By the time we moved and the boys were walking I found myself emerging into the sun (boy was I white) and navigating the various stay at home mom circles.  I soon realized when you get older it is much more difficult finding a friend.  I clearly remember on the playground as a girl going up to other girls and simply asking "Will you be my friend?"  Oh how I wished it was like that.  After many attempts and failures I started giving up, but still praying for that oh so special blessing of friendship.

Our link group took a big turn and David took the reigns as leader.  I don't know how long it has been since that turn now, but he and I made it the goal of the group for us all to become close enough to share the hurts of life. I went to Portland in April with my link group girls and the five of us are so close that we shared many "too much information" moments, as well as tears, laughs and poked fun at each other.  It was honestly the best time I have ever had with a group of friends.  I am so grateful for this wonderful gift.  So thanks Michelle, Amy, Brooke and Melinda for being my friends.

WHAT I REALLY NEED

The other day in my women's Bible study we started talking about needs and times of plenty.  Becky said two sentences that I am still chewing on because they are so profound.  What if now is a time of plenty?  It made me realize there is always something to be thankful, because things can always get worse.  She also said, "What do you really need?"  She was talking about what we actually need to survive, but then Jenny chimed in and said all we really need is Jesus.  In other words, all we really need is to be spiritually fed.  Hmmmmm.

I am a very simple person.  I can multitask, but when learning I really need it striped down for me to really get it.  The thought of only needing Jesus really hit me and is helping me reevaluate priorities in my life.  I want Jesus.  I want a relationship with him.  I want to be like Enoch who walked so close to God, one day he just walked right into heaven.  Jesus you are enough.  You are all I need.